Falling in love is natural and it is easy to get into a romantic relationship but even if the relationship becomes hard or toxic it can be hard to leave.

If you are unhappy and you want to leave but you are worried because of things in your life such as having children together or enjoying the financial benefits, you need to figure out what you want and if you really want to leave. Leaving can make you feel bad and you might want to leave but feel stuck because there are reasons you have bonded with this person.

Breaking Up is Hard

People that are narcissists can be easy to talk to and be around at first. They are very charming, kind, and warm, on the surface. You may fall deeply in love with them and want to be with them because they make you feel secure and loved. But once you are deep in the relationship, a narcissist will change who they are and will become cold to you and demand you to be someone you aren’t.

If you are trying everything you can in order to get attention and love from this person, it can cause your self-esteem to become non-existent. Maybe they have been gaslighting you and blaming you or intimidating and attacking you. They may even be manipulating you.

You try to not fight, and you deny that things are so bad but as you allow it to go on, your shame gets stronger and your independence gets smaller. Where you were once happy, you are now lacking in self-respect and strength.

It is normal for someone to attract to someone that abuses them. This can be a bond that is a trauma bond which means that they have controlled you and put you down so much over time that you believe what they say to you. This is called Stockholm Syndrome and is the same emotions that kidnapped victims have.

You are in a relationship where you are bound to abuse, and this causes a trauma bond to form. Even those that are physically abused will often not leave and will just take the violence because they are afraid of what will happen if they do choose to leave.

Codependent people are often abused and have toxic partners in their life, and they find it hard to leave the relationship because they become dependent on them.

Leaving

Abusers are codependent and if you pull yourself away from them, they will try to fix the relationship and let their ego take over. They need you to make them feel good and will make you a fragile person so that they can attempt to keep you. They will go back to being what you fell in love with, a kind and gentle person, and they will make promises that they really do not intend to keep, all just to control you.

If you are lucky enough to leave, they will talk about you, put you down and find things that you are insecure about just to suck you back in. They will text your family and friends and will appear to place that you are at.

They will not want you to forget them and they will do what it takes to get you back. They will contact you and give you what you need for a moment.

Chances are that you will feel guilty when they tell you that they love you and you will feel pain because this is someone that you have bonded with. Once you fall back into their trap, you will not be able to have boundaries or protect yourself.

How to Leave

An abuser will continue to control you as long as they can. You have to learn to understand the reality of the relationship and the abuse. There are ways that you can get out of an abusive relationship and you can get the help you need, here is how:

• Find a support group or a therapist who will not be mean to you about your idea of leaving.
• Create a life outside of your relationship with friends and other people that share the same interests that you have.
• Increase your self-esteem and learn to have value in who you are.
• Get rid of your guilt.
• Set boundaries in all of your relationships.
• Take time to love yourself.
• Identify the triggers of an abuser and know them.
• If you are physically harmed, go to a shelter.
• Know that abuse happens as a cycle.
• Do not make threats that you do not keep. If you want to leave, leave.
• If you decide to leave get a lawyer that knows about abuse cases.
• When you leave, give yourself time to grieve.
• Stay away from your abuser and avoid contact with them.
• If you have children with your abuser, set up a custody agreement with the courts.