There a several causes for  feelings of insecurity in a relationship. Here is a list of the most common:

• Childhood issues.

Some people are plagued with insecurity because of things that happened in their early childhood. They way people are loved and treated as a young child carries through throughout life.  A child who has been ignored or neglected may have abandonment issues as an adult.

• Low or no self esteem

As you were growing up if you felt as if you weren’t good enough you can have feelings of self-doubt. are carried around throughout life making you doubt your self-worth.

• Relationship issues in the past

If you had a bad relationship in your past, you may carry those wounds for a long long time. If that relationship ended due to infidelity, you may have long lingering trust issues.

• Having irrational fears

Several people have do not feel secure in their relationships because they have unfounded fears and assumptions. These may or may not be caused by past history and they manifest themselves in baseless mistrust.

• Creating problems where they don’t exist

These situations arise when you think your partner is ignoring you when you are out of touch for a few hours. If your partner doesn’t immediately respond to you , you may assume that they are doing something they shouldn’t constantly seeking perfection.

You want everything to be perfect and if things are ordinary you suddenly feel rejected and insecure.  No one is perfect and expecting perfection is a sure way to fail.

How you know if you are showing signs of insecurity?

Some things that may be readily apparent to others may not be visible to you. Here are a you few things you may be doing that make you appear desperate and anxious:

1. Always look at their phone. Whenever you can, you glance at your partners messages and phone calls, both outgoing and incoming. You take a peek at their social media and become terrified when you see something you think you shouldn’t
2. They have to do everything with you. You simply can’t relax when your partner attends a function or gets coffee or does absolutely anything without you.
3. Your whole life revolves around them. You don’t make any plans without including your spouse. You never take time for yourself and you make yourself constantly available for you partner even if it means turning away from your friends and family
4. You avoid anything that leads to a confrontation. You do not bring up anything that can possibly upset your partner because you want to avoid issues.  This is not how adults behave. If you are so afraid  of making your partner angry that you can’t truly talk to them, you need to to take a closer look at your
5. You need constant reassurance: You are forever searching for validation  from your partner that your relationship is solid and that it is working.  And when you don’t receive  immediate feedback, your become panicky and anxious.
6. You accuse your partner of cheating Your feelings of insecurity show up in the form of a lack of faith in your relationship.   This is especially true if you can’t help but bring up your partner’s ex. If you find yourself constantly questioning their whereabouts and think that they use any chance away from you to jump into bed with someone else you are just making yourself crazy. Also, if you accuse them constantly, you may just drive them away from you.

Insecurity doesn’t do anything but torment the both of you with negativity. Once you acknowledge the insecurity in your relationship, get to the root of the problem and work on solving it.   Seek help and advice from a counselor either for yourself or for the both of you.