Learning to Stop Being a Pushover
Being pushed around is a horrible way to go through life. The good news is that you can learn how not to be a pushover and stand up for yourself. This is important because being a pushover can have consequences on a career, relationship, and even the social life. As it is important to be nice, it can be tough when someone takes advantage to get only what they want. In order to become a victim of people like this it is important to learn to stand up for yourself.
However, you should note that standing up for yourself is not the same as being aggressive or even confrontational. Dealing effectively with overbearing people means knowing the usual habits that label you as a pushover so you can avoid those habits and learn proper ways to deal with people that take advantage. If this is done the right way, anyone can learn not to be a pushover an even earn the respect of others.
Commonalities of Pushovers
Before understanding how not to be a pushover, we must know what behaviors make us a pushover. It is important to see these common habits for what they are and what they do. They can leave us emotionally weak and cause us to fall to the slightest pressure. Below are the common traits.
- Low confidence/Low self-esteem – People with little confidence or low self-esteem are the most likely to be pushovers. Since they cannot assert themselves, feeling weak, they are easy to sway and be bullied by others who have stronger personalities.
- Pathological People Pleasers – The other end of the pushover spectrum has people that want so badly to please others, they o so at their own expense. These people fin it impossible to say no even if they are highly uncomfortable with what is happening. For these people, the only chance at approval is doing what others want.
- Too Much Value in Others – When people are so concerned with what others think that they ignore themselves and their feelings, they allow themselves to be pushovers. This is to protect the image they think others hold of them.
- Timid – Some people fear confrontation so much that they will not stand up for themselves. For this type of person, giving in is easier than putting up resistance or disagreeing.
How Not to Be a Pushover
- Think about how much better life will be – Positive self-assertion may not be easy, but with practice, willpower, and a bit of trial and error, you can stop being such a pushover. This will lift the load that being a pushover keeps in your life.
- Think about what is best for you – Your personal well-being and happiness must be a priority. These two things are much more important that what people think of you and whether you please them. Keep this in mind at all times. You do not owe anyone anything that will come at your expense.
- Learn to and practice saying no – Keep this simple with no explanation. If you are not comfortable with whatever is aske, say no and walk away.
- Learn to avoid bullies – When you regularly have contact with people who push you, cease interacting with them if confrontation is still scary.
- Know those who are likely to push people – There are two types of people who try to push others over. The first is a bully who is typically pretty aggressive and intimidating. To deal with these, you have to display your power to say no. The others act as friends, but continually ask for favors. These people can be dealt with by calling them out over their behavior.
- Learn to communicate in a clear manner – Learn to communicate effectively so others know your intentions. Sometimes silence is taken for acceptance, so effective communication can let your feelings be known in a diplomatic manner.
- Remember, others will only push you over if you allow it – People are opportunistic and will go to great lengths to get what they need. Unless you are bold enough to set boundaries and stick with them, they will continue to do so.
- Stop apologizing – Apologizing too much is a sign of weakness to others. Only apologize when you are at fault for something so you appear as less of a pushover.
- Aim for compromise – When you find yourself in a disagreement, suggest a compromise that works for both parties. Take the higher moral ground in these situations so you can earn respect even by those who disagree. Never cave or settle for less because you end up hurt.
- Challenge those who act superior – There is a psychological phenomenon known as imposter syndrome in which people belittle their value in front of others. This thinking makes you less likely to assert yourself. Remember, no one is superior to others.
Learning how not to be a pushover will improve overall quality of life because confidence will be built and communication skills improved. This will also help you assert yourself. Start with the above steps and watch as you gain confidence grows and people stop pushing you around so often.