At times it might feel like love will always be elusive for you. If you only tried more. Pushed harder or acted in a particular way, then the object of your affection would desire you. Its time that you begin to accept thoughts like these only serve to continue an illusion.
Life is not a romantic comedy. Unlike in movies, sudden grand gestures aren’t typically successful and end up hurting your pride. Chasing after someone who is incapable of reciprocating our love leads to damaged self-esteem. Instead of repeating the pattern of chasing a fantasy, try some of following tips to help bring sincere love into your life.
- Be able to voice exactly what you are looking for in a partner!
Being vulnerable, assertive and receptive is an asset in relationships. When you can identify exactly what you desire in a partner you are honoring both your time and that of your date. Because younger generations are typical not encouraged to be assertive it might take ample practice for you to get comfortable with speaking your wants and needs out loud. Keep in mind that when you are specific with your goals for a relationship you can be sure you can avoid getting quickly placed in the “friend zone.” Instead, you will show your date a sense of confidence which is active for all sexes.
- See people for who they are!
People always want to date the true person and not the mask you might put on during the first date. When you begin dating someone you might become quick to over look any flaws or quirks. But the quirks are what makes a person special and unique! No one is either black or white, but instead they are a glorious shade of gray. Be mindful of any red flags you might encounter while you are dating, and never force yourself into a relationship that might be toxic for you, because you are more afraid of being alone.
- Distinguish anxiety from attraction!
Psychologically, worrying that you might lose someone is akin to how you feel when you are attracted to a person. Therefore, you must separate feelings of anxiety from attraction. In a well-known experiment, psychologists had an attractive female researcher surveyed men on two different bridges. Those men who were interviewed on a shaky narrow bridge reported viewing the woman as more attractive than the men who were interviewed on a larger sturdy bridge. This shows a corollary between their feelings of anxiety with authentic attraction. This is the same reaction we experience upon seeing a scary movie with a date. Consider how this might be playing out in your dating life. If you notice you desire someone more after they drift away from you, then you are confusing anxiety for attraction. Balance this situation out with knowing how you view real attraction with another person.
- Don’t manipulate!
Manipulate goes beyond lying, cheating or exhibiting overt controlling behaviors. Often in public manipulation is more subtle like trying to alter a situation in order to get them to respond to your advances more. If your date isn’t into you, being manipulative only amplifies the rejection process. You will never be able to force anyone into loving you.
- You deserve to be respected!
If you find someone isn’t responding to your actions with sincere interest and kindness, be empowered to walk away! There can be underlying reasons a person is not receptive to your romantic advances. You can never full comprehend a person’s past, emotions or inner world. Never waste your precious time and energy on a person who is emotionally unavailable to you!
When a person is emotionally available, they will send you clear signals that you share a feeling of attraction and chemistry. By walking away from the unavailable people, you create opportunities to meet people who are prepared to love you the way you deserve.
Although you can use conscious logic to paint illusions to yourself, your subconscious will always guide you. Your intuition will tell you is a person is worth investing time and energy into, or whether you aren’t being treated fairly. When a relationship is really over, you gut will let you know unequivocally. Being guided by the method listed above will help you become more informed during the dating process. With time, they can help you bolster optimal self-worth and guide you to the love of your life.